Dawn
by hannah415
Summary: She had always said no because she didn't want to. But even when she did, she couldn't say yes. One-shot. Jily.


"Hey, Evans, wait! Evans! _Lily_."

She turned around to face the voice. When she saw who it was, she crossed her arms and raised her eyebrow, but she was smiling amusedly at him. "Yes?"

"I… I was just…"

She laughed. "Spit it out, James. What is it? I have to go talk to McGonagall about patrols…"

"Will you go out with me?" he blurted, interrupting her mid-sentence.

She felt her arms drop to her sides, and her smile fell into a surprised frown. She could feel his eyes roaming her face, searching for a sign of what her answer would be. _Merlin, Lily, think. Use that bloody Gryffindor bravery. _

"James, I…"

"Look, I know you've said no to me a hundred times, but I thought that – "

"James."

He looked at her expectantly. "No," she breathed out. His eyebrows knitted together, and hurt flashed in his hazel eyes, and she was about to retract her response but – _no_. She couldn't. She had promised herself.

"I'm sorry." She spun around, willing her legs to move quickly, so she didn't have to see his face, because she knew that any minute she was going to tell him the truth, and she couldn't. She _couldn't_.

"But, Lily…"

The way he said her name made her bite her lip. She kept walking, keeping her head down, wiping away a stray tear from her face as she rounded the corner. She was fine. Or going to be, at least. And he would be, too; she'd said no so many times, by this point he should've been accustomed to it. _But he's never looked like that afterwards_, she thought dejectedly.

She rushed up the staircase and muttered the common room password, disappearing to her Head Girl dormitory before she let the tears fall.

* * *

She stared at the page of the book in front of her, trying to focus on the words, but they kept blurring together. She had come to the library to escape, but clearly it wasn't working. "Sod it all," she murmured, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Lily?"

She jumped. Remus stood in front of her, shouldering a heavy backpack and looking ridiculously piteous. "Oh, hello, Remus," she sighed, relieved. She gestured to the seat beside her, and he took it, dropping the bag on the floor. "I was just doing the Transfiguration homework, and I – "

"Why did you say no?" he rushed out. She had been glancing at the half-written essay, and she looked up slowly.

"Sorry?" she asked nervously.

"Lily."

She sighed, closing the Transfiguration book and propping her elbows on it. She tried to think of something to say, something that would explain her reasoning. It all made sense in her head; but somehow, when she went to defend herself, the excuse seemed flimsy. Silly, even.

"It's… complicated," she said instead.

"I don't see how it is." Remus looked at her forcefully. "You fancy him. Merlin, you told me yourself not two months ago! And, obviously, he fancies you too, and he has since he was eleven years old, and then he asks you out _again_, and what do you say? No!" His voice had risen slightly at the end, and the librarian glared at him. He smiled apologetically.

"Remus, I…" She paused. "I _can't_ go out with him. Don't you understand? I'm…"

"What, Lily?" he asked, gentler this time.

"I'm a muggleborn, and he's a pureblood, and his parents… and what about this war? I'm going to be a prime target already, and I can't… I _can't_ bring James into that. I won't."

Remus looked shocked. He just looked at her, his mouth slightly agape, and she chewed on her lip nervously. "That's why?" he finally asked. She nodded, shifting her gaze to her lap. "Lily Evans, I thought you were supposed to be intelligent."

"What?" She lifted her head quickly. Remus was chuckling to himself.

"Lily, do you really think that James cares about any of that rubbish?"

"Well… I don't..."

"He's been in love with you for six years. And, in case you haven't noticed, he's stubborn as hell. He isn't going to let a reason like _that_ stop him. Merlin, Lily… here I was thinking you'd changed your mind, and you're just worried about _that_…"

She slapped his arm, but not particularly hard. "This is serious! This war, it isn't going to be easy! People are going to die, people we _know_, Remus! I won't… I don't want to see James among that number because of me."

He gave her a sympathetic look before gathering his backpack and standing up. "Lily," he said slowly, looking at her seriously. "James is going to fight in this war, no matter what. He's going to defend you and fight for you and protect you whether you say yes or not. And, you're right, people we know are going to die." He smiled at her. "Just think about whether or not you'd regret this decision later. Should he be among that number."

She watched his retreating form, and then dropped her head into her palms. It took her all of two seconds to make up her mind. "Bugger," she muttered.

Lily packed up her books. She had something important to do. Homework could wait.

* * *

She paused with her fist a few centimeters from the door. Then, taking a deep breath, she knocked.

"Come in," he called.

She opened it gently, standing in the doorway for a few seconds until he turned around.

"What do you… Oh."

"Hi," she said meekly.

He turned away from her. "Goodbye."

"James, we need to talk."

"No, we don't."

"_Yes, _we do."

"What do you want?" He still hadn't looked at her. She just needed him to look at her…

"I… I want to talk about…"

"No."

"James – "

"I said _no_. I thought we established that you would like nothing to do with me, remember?"

"Yes, well, I changed my mind!" she yelled, her clenched fists shaking slightly. He spun around slowly, and his eyes bored into her.

"What?"

"You heard me," she whispered, crossing her arms insecurely. "Remus… he came to talk to me. And he made me realize my rationalizations weren't quite so, um, rational."

He smiled tentatively at her. "Did he now?"

She nodded. "Yes." She sighed, running a hand through her hair and gave him a pleading look. "James… we're in the middle of a war. And I'm probably going to be targeted. And I don't want… I don't want you to risk yourself for me. You're a pureblood, and I reckon they'll leave you alone if you – "

"Lily, is that why you said no?"

She bit her lip and nodded again. He laughed, and she groaned. "Remus said you would be like this, but you need to hear me out, because – "

He moved towards her, and suddenly he was a breath away, and her heart felt like it was going to split open inside her chest. "Lily Evans, please stop talking." He leaned forward and placed his lips on hers, and she felt like she was flying. She laid her hands on his chest, and they broke apart slowly. His lips hovered over hers, and he whispered, "Will you go out with me?"

She smiled. "Of course."


End file.
